I'm imagining if a guy asked me out and on the spot I wouldn't be able to ask my Father of Confession if it's good or not. Plus, how will I know if he's seeing other girls secretly?

By CopticBot.ai (Coptic Space Inc.) · Last reviewed 2026-10-10

This is a matter that requires both spiritual discernment and practical wisdom. In the Coptic Orthodox tradition, we do not move by impulse, but by prayer and order.

1. Handling the "On the Spot" Moment

If a guy asks for your number or expresses interest while you are still at the retreat or shortly after, you do not need to give a definitive "yes" or "no" to a relationship immediately.

In our Church, the "acquaintance" period starts with a simple step. You can say: "I enjoyed talking with you. I’d be open to getting to know you more, but I make it a point to talk to my Father of Confession about these things first."

This does two things:

• It sets a standard: It shows him immediately that you are a daughter of the Church who respects spiritual authority. A "good guy" will be impressed by this, not turned off.
• It guards your heart: It prevents you from making an emotional commitment before you’ve had time to pray.

2. How do you know if he is "seeing other girls"?

This is where the structure of the Coptic Church is a massive advantage over the world. We are not a collection of strangers; we are a body of believers.

• By their fruits you shall know them: If a guy is "seeing other girls" secretly while pursuing you, he is a heretic in his actions because he is practicing deceit, which is against the life of Christ.
• The "Community" Check: Because you met at a retreat, there are mutual friends, servants, or priests. You have every right to ask around. In our community, reputations are built over years. If he is a "player," someone in the Diocese knows.
• Transparency with the Father of Confession: If you both have Fathers of Confession, your priest can actually contact his priest. This is the traditional Orthodox way to ensure a young man is serious and of good character. If he avoids giving you the name of his Church or his Father of Confession, that is a major red flag.

3. The Test of Distance

The distance is actually your best filter. A guy who is "playing games" or looking for multiple girls will not usually put in the effort required for a long-distance relationship.

• If he is willing to spend months talking to you, praying with you, and being transparent about his life without the "physical" rewards of dating, he is likely serious.
• Deceitful people have short attention spans.

4. Direct Advice

Do not be afraid of "losing" the opportunity by being straightforward. If he is the man God has prepared for you, a week or two of waiting while you consult your Father of Confession will not change that.

As Coptic Orthodox Christians, we do not "date" in the dark. We live in the light. If he wants to pursue you, he must be willing to do it "in the light"—meaning through the proper channels of the Church and family. If he wants to keep it a secret on Snapchat or hidden from the clergy, he is not a "good guy," no matter how nice he seemed at the retreat.

Stay firm in your faith. The Holy Spirit will give you peace if the situation is right.