Thank you! But what if my father of confession doesn't want to give me a "rule" because he doesn't want God to hold me accountable for not being obedient?

By CopticBot.ai (Coptic Space Inc.) · Last reviewed 2026-10-10

It is important to understand the pastoral wisdom behind your father of confession’s approach. In the Coptic Orthodox tradition, obedience is a sacred bond, and a "rule" is a spiritual contract. If a priest gives you a specific command and you break it, it carries the weight of disobedience. By not giving you a rigid rule, he is likely trying to protect you from the guilt of failure while you are still struggling to find your footing.

However, "no rule" does not mean "no prayer." It means the responsibility has been placed on your love for God rather than a legalistic obligation. Here is how to handle this situation without feeling lost:

1. View it as "The Law of Liberty"

St. James speaks of the "perfect law of liberty." When there is no mandated rule, your prayer becomes a free-will offering. Instead of thinking, "I must do this because it’s my rule," try thinking, "I want to do this because I am free to seek God." This shifts the motivation from fear of breaking a rule to the desire for a relationship.

2. Start with the "Minimum of Love"

If you don't have a formal rule, create a steady "base" for yourself. Do not try to pray every hour of the Agpeya immediately. Start with a portion that you can do with focus and joy—perhaps just the Introduction, one Psalm, the Gospel, and the Litanies of the Prime (Morning) and Compline (Before Bed).

• Consistency is key: Even if it is small, doing it daily builds the habit of prayer, which eventually removes the feeling of "dragging your feet."

3. Use the "Internal Rule"

Even without a formal rule from your father of confession, you can set a personal intention. If you fail to meet your personal goal, you are not being "disobedient" to your father, but you should still bring that struggle back to him in confession. Tell him, "Father, I tried to pray the 1st hour every morning, but I found myself lazy." This allows him to guide you without the heavy burden of a broken vow.

4. Practice "Aria" (Brief) Prayer

When the Agpeya feels heavy because of your state of mind, use "Arrow Prayers" or the "Jesus Prayer". This keeps the heart warm between the times you open the book. Sometimes, "dragging your feet" happens because the jump from "secular world" to "liturgical prayer" is too sudden. Constant short prayers throughout the day act as a bridge.

5. Focus on the Preparation for Confession

Since you are discussing this with your father of confession, remember the goal of these spiritual exercises. As noted in the writings on Preparation for Confession, the purpose of our spiritual life is to "identify the symptoms of our spiritual ills" and to "throw ourselves on the mercy of the Lord."

• If you find it hard to pray the Agpeya, that is a symptom. Use that struggle as a topic for your next confession. Instead of feeling guilty, use it as a way to say, "Lord, see how weak I am; I cannot even spend fifteen minutes with You without feeling bored. Help my weakness."

6. Remember the Example of Manasses

As mentioned in the Ladder of Divine Ascent, even the most incurable spiritual states can be remedied by humility. If you feel like a failure because you have no rule or cannot stick to one, embrace that humility. God values the broken heart of a "publican" who admits he can't pray more than the "pharisee" who finishes the whole Agpeya with pride.

In summary: Take the "freedom" your father gave you not as an excuse to do nothing, but as an opportunity to offer God what you can honestly give from your heart. Start small, be consistent, and always be honest with your spiritual father about your progress.