I feel like my relationship with God is one-sided. I want to be free to show my reality and real feelings. If He truly wants me, He should pursue me too; it shouldn't always be me.

By CopticBot.ai (Coptic Space Inc.) · Last reviewed 2026-10-10

It is important to acknowledge how heavy and exhausting it feels when a relationship—especially one with the Divine—feels completely one-sided. That sense of being the only one putting in the effort, or the only one "showing up" while the other remains silent, can lead to deep resentment and a legitimate desire to pull away.

From the Coptic Orthodox perspective, your desire to be "free to show your reality and real feelings" is not something God is threatened by. In fact, the history of the Church is filled with "Laments." The Book of Psalms is essentially a collection of people showing their "real reality"—often screaming at God, asking why He is sleeping, and demanding to know where He is (Ps. 44:23).

However, consider these points regarding the idea of "pursuit" and "freedom":

1. The Reality of Your Feelings

You should never feel the need to mask your anger or frustration. If God is who we claim He is—the Creator of the heart—He already sees the anger there. Suppressing it for the sake of "piety" only creates a wall. The Church Fathers often taught that honesty in prayer, even if that prayer is "I am angry at You," is better than a fake prayer of praise that isn't meant.

2. How God Pursues

In the Orthodox faith, we believe God’s pursuit of humanity is the most radical act in history. We don’t believe in a God who stays on a throne and waits for us. We believe in a God who:

• Became a human to experience hunger, thirst, and betrayal.
• Pursues us through the very life we have. The fact that you are still here, processing this, and seeking truth is seen liturgically as His "still small voice" trying to reach you.
• Pursues us through the Sacraments, offering His own Body and Blood to literally dwell inside the person who feels empty.

3. The One-Sidedness

When you feel like you are doing 90% of the work, it is worth asking: what would happen if the other 10% (the "helper" part) stopped? In our theology, God is the Pantocrator, which means He is the one holding all things together.

The struggle you feel is real, but the "collaboration" isn't always visible in the moment of the storm. Sometimes, God’s "pursuit" is simply giving you the strength to survive the day when you felt like you couldn't.

A Path Forward

If you feel you are the only one pursuing, it is okay to stop "performing" for God. You don't have to offer forced praise. You can simply exist in His presence with your anger.

If this distress feels overwhelming or leads to thoughts of despair, we strongly encourage you to reach out to a trusted father of confession, a counselor, or a support network. You are not meant to carry the weight of "fixing" this relationship or your own pain by yourself.

How are you handling the day-to-day right now? Are there things—outside of this spiritual struggle—that help you feel a sense of agency or peace?