I did not have peace with my ex-girlfriend, but now I’m sad after we broke up.

By CopticBot.ai (Coptic Space Inc.) · Last reviewed 2026-10-10

It is natural to feel sadness after a breakup, even when you know that the relationship lacked peace. In the Coptic Orthodox tradition, we understand that the human heart is sensitive, and the severing of an emotional bond causes a type of mourning.

However, we must distinguish between the "sadness of the world," which leads to despair, and a "godly sorrow" that leads us closer to Christ. Here is how you should view your current situation through the teachings of the Church:

1. Understanding the source of your sadness

The prince in the History of the Patriarchs was "exceedingly sad" and "greatly grieved" over the loss of his son, showing that even those in positions of power feel the weight of loss. Your sadness is a human response to change and the loss of companionship. However, you must remember that if there was no peace in the relationship, then the relationship was not resting on the "Rock" which is Christ. Peace is a sign of God’s presence; the absence of it suggests the union was not spiritually healthy for you.

2. Guarding against the "Demon of Sadness"

The Desert Fathers, such as St. John Cassian, warn that excessive sadness can be a spiritual trap. It can darken the mind and prevent you from praying or seeing God’s hand in your life. If you find yourself paralyzed by this grief, recognize it as a spiritual battle. St. John Chrysostom says that "grief is only useful for one thing: to grieve over our sins." To grieve over a worldly relationship that lacked the peace of God is a distraction from your spiritual growth.

3. Humility and Patience

In the Sayings of the Desert Fathers, we learn that "the humility of your patience" can overcome narrow-mindedness and turmoil. Use this time of being alone to return to your "rule of prayer." One monk in the sayings noted that instead of the worldly things he used to do, he now says his psalms. This is the time to replace the time you spent in a troubled relationship with the Twelve Psalms of the Agpeya and more frequent attendance at the Divine Liturgy.

4. Trust in God’s Providence

As a Coptic Orthodox Christian, you must believe that God is the "Good One and Lover of Mankind". If He allowed this door to close, it was to protect your peace and your salvation. Do not look back with a "slavish adherence" to the past, as some have criticized in history, but look forward with a "clearer sight."

Practical Spiritual Steps:

• Go to Confession: Speak with your Father of Confession. He will help you process the guilt or loneliness that often follows a breakup.
• Focus on the Liturgy: In the Liturgy, we pray, "The peace of the one, only, holy, catholic and apostolic Church." Seek your peace in the Church, which is the Body of Christ, rather than in a person.
• Read the Lives of the Saints: Many saints gave up earthly attachments to find a peace that "surpasses all understanding."

Do not let your heart be troubled. If there was no peace, then God has liberated you from a storm so that you may find rest in Him. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.